I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
