I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
