i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
