Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
