Where did you get a picture of my penis
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
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