you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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