I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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