i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
