Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
