i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We had to coat check the pizza.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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