I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
