God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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