Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
