i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
