so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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