Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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