You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
