Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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