woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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