11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
