As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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