Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
