i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
