she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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