I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is Oprah even human
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
