dude i'm inner monologue high
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
