why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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