my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
