Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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