ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
