so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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