Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
