last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
