I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
