You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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