He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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