if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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