Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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