Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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