Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
