There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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