This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
