My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
