i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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