rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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