You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
