i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
