I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
