You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
