I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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