I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
