Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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