i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
