you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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