Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
