You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
