I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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