I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
