So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
