This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
In America we eat man semen.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Someone came in the potted fern
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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