worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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