She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
