I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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